Attitude Adjustments

When I was a little girl, my parents’ motto was “say yes whenever possible.” My brothers and I were the kids that could show up at school with a Superman Cape and a tutu if we wanted. We were allowed to play in the mud, play dress-up in our parents’ closet, and scream at the top of our lungs….BUT it was always within the boundaries set by Mom and Dad. They gave us the world, a little at a time. We knew our limits. Yes, we can play in the mud, but not in our Sunday clothes. Yes, we can wear what we want during playtime, but Mommy helps us pick out Sunday-appropriate clothes. Yes, we can play dress-up in our parents’ closet, but raiding Mommy’s makeup stash and covering the walls is a major no-no. And as for screaming…this was my favorite.

Sometimes kids throw tantrums—it’s their only way to get out their emotions. Sometimes they need to keep their emotions in check. Throwing a tantrum in a grocery store—not allowed. All of us knew where every bathroom was in every store. It only took a few times before we realized the rules—tantrums in public places did not give us control—it didn’t make Mommy leave, it didn’t allow us to get what we wanted, it just resulted in punishment, which for us, meant a spanking in the bathroom (which I know is unheard of nowadays). Regardless of what punishment method you use for your children, there are places where it is unacceptable to pitch a fit. The key, though, is to allow a place where they CAN.

I used to get so angry when I was little—my middle brother and I were very close, and he would pick on me and I’d get furious. I was given a choice—if I needed to vent, I could go in my room, close the door, and do whatever to get my anger out that wasn’t destructive (cry, scream, beat a pillow), but I could not do it in the living room, at a store, or by hitting my brother. I distinctly remember storming down the hall, shutting my door (not slamming it, as this was a no because of squished fingers), and screaming my lungs out. I’d cry in my pillow, scream out loud, sit around, and come back out a new person.

This brings us to attitude. My Dad would always tell me that “you are in charge of your attitude.” I could choose whether I was happy or sad, excited or mad. And when we were in a bad mood and taking it out on others, we got an “attitude adjustment,” which consisted of us sitting and listening to a motivational tape, such as Zig Ziglar or Brian Tracy. Sometimes we listened to inspirational sermons on different values that we were struggling with (being kind??!!). We learned valuable lessons during those times—it forced us to sit and think, and was much more effective than a basic time out, as we were learning principles to carry out in our lives, and new ways of handling situations. It’s funny how I’ll catch myself quoting something to my friends now that I learned during one of my “attitude adjustments.”

Now I understand that we are allowed to have every range of emotions-it’s okay to be angry or sad. It’s okay to let it out in a healthy way. But if it darkens my whole day and affects the mood of people around me—that is my fault. I have the power to feel and then move on. I can decide how my day will be. I can vent my frustrations and then be free to enjoy the rest of the day with my family. And now, when my daughter decides to scream her head off, I can be annoyed, take a deep breath, and know that I can choose to be happy anyway! And surprisingly enough, that also affects others, and my daughter usually ends up laughing with me and forgot what she was mad about in the first place!